Bad day (week maybe?)

Hi. Nak feeling-feeling macam Dian dalam Istanbul aku datang kejap. Dah lama tak tulis kat sini. Walaupun berhabuk dan tiada siapa pun berminat nak membaca post ni, I still want to express myself here. 
For the last few weeks, i was kinda having some tantrums. Idk why. Maybe sebab baru tukar department kut. Yelah setahun kena kerja shift, tiba-tukar kerja biasa kena bangun hari-hari, memang la nak marah je kan. Masa shift dulu kerja 4 hari, cuti 4 hari. At first masa mula-mula masuk shift, i was very worried yelah sebab kena kerja dengan orang Japanese kan, diorg tak boleh cakap English pulak tu. Tapi, tak sangka sebab lama-lama bila dah lama kerja sekali, seronok pulak rasa. Diorg sangat sangat sangat baik. Sampai sedih betul bila nak pindah masuk department lama haritu.
Itu satu hal, sebab dekat department lama yang nak kena pindah balik ni, diorg punya working environment sangat la tak best. Tak bercakap sangat sesama sendiri, duduk je depan komputer. Sampai kita pulak segan nak tanya itu ini. Tapi masa dekat MDE Photo, lain. Bila time takde kerja time boleh relaks-relaks tu, macam-macam diorg borak. Tanya itu tanya ini. I was very happy sebab rasa diterima sangat. But here? In ATE PI, macam cakap tadi la, 80% different. 
1 September 2020-31 August 2021

From left: Ito, Miki, Me, Yamashita (shift-3)

Bukan apa, rasa macam down sangat sebab kawan sebaya yang masuk sekali last year, semua macam hebat-hebat ada progress, kita ni masih merangkak lagi sebab kena start dari awal. I don't mind that sebab dah nak back-for-good pun lagi setahun tapi tulah, kadang-kadang rasa down tu datang jugak. Penat la nak pujuk hati hmm.
Lagi satu benda yang buat diri ni agak down, kahwin. I know that my time will come too. Tapi ramai sangat yang dah kahwin. Terlalu ramai. Satu-satu. I tried my best not to think about it, cuba distracted myself fikir benda-benda lain yang lagi seronok, tapi tetap tak boleh lawan rasa sedih tak boleh nak kahwin lagi tu. 
I know, i need to wait for my love habiskan study dia dulu, bagi dia stable dengan kerja apa semua, baru la boleh start build our family tapi the pressure is real you know. People around you, they were like passing yourself  very fast while you're still crawling trying to grip your own life. Paling pressure, yang dah kahwin tu siap ada anak, keluar jalan-jalan suami-isteri. Seronoknya. But me? Repeating my so-called engineer life. (Read: boring)
I am grateful. I do feel grateful. I have almost everything that I want. I know that I need to didik my hati not to always think negatively. I need to control my heart to always, always believe that there must be some reasons behind all of these. I have to believe. No, i need to. 
Keep on tight Najwa. You can do it. You will find your own happiness too. Stay strong ♥️